Joshua Sumter MEETS The Little Mermaid
by joshuasumter951
Summary: Joshua Sumter gets used to having his way - all the time. But when Ursula the sea witch turns him into a blue-tang fish, just like Dory, he soon finds out that his perfect world is turned upside down. Luckily, he helps the free-spirited mermaid, Ariel, on her dream to be part of the human world - and teaches her a thing or two about the surface world and some tricks along the way.
1. ACT 1

Once upon a time, back before I got back from what this story, which I'm telling you about, there was the ocean. I called it the Big Blue.

Now I know that the ocean may or may not seem like a big whoop to some people, but imagine for a moment that instead of it being calm waters, ...

...One day, where you were on vacation, the ocean took a look around and decided to show you its many wonders. It happened once to me.

I'm Joshua Sumter and this is MY story about how I ended up under the sea. I was the most important yet awesomeness guy in my own little perfect world, but then a lot of stuff happened to me. Involving sea witches, epic forbidden romances, musicals, and how I helped a certain mermaid make her dream come true.

Fine, I'll tell you all about it and this would all make sense...

It's kinda like you're in a PG-13 version or a re-imagining of _The Little Mermaid_ , filtered through the prism of child-like innocence. And I thought nobody does child-like innocence like Deadpool. I mean, _nobody_!

 **-Joshua Sumter** , author and star of this story

* * *

At first, I didn't believe that the Big Blue was home to merfolk and sea creatures, but surely enough, it was - but not in the oceans of the world you and I are from.

Because I was _actually_ on my vacation at good ol' Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I may be a grown man, but I'm the main star of all I surveyed!

I was boogying at the sunny beaches, along with everyone else, and then...

 _ **BOOM!**_ I strike my epic poses as I shouted, "Party time, baby!"

I strutted and danced as the beachgoers looked on. They all love me, for I was the funniest and most powerful ball of charisma. In other words, I'm just used to having my way - like all the time.

But most of the time, I liked to relax and read my books from my bag of stuff, just enjoying myself. No doubt about it!

But all that was about to change.

That very same day, before I was even lounging myself on one of the chairs, a little red crab came onto the beach, and tried to get my attention.

"Must you bother me whilst I relax," I said to the little crab. But he was growing impatient as he snapped his craws on my finger.

"OWWW," I screamed as I tried to shake it off, but the crab wouldn't let go.

"Will you quit it?!" I yelled at him, "I'm trying to relax and enjoy my vacation here! You got a problem, buddy?"

That's when the crab screamed and replied, "Unhand me, human! I'm in a heap of trouble here!"

My eyes were widened when I realized that crab from somewhere.

It was Sebastian, the so-called "music/court composer".

I let him go as I asked, "Ahhhh, where did you come from? This can't possibly be _real_ ly real. This can't actually be happening!"

"It's happening, child! Who are you?"

"Why, you're looking at the most artistic yet unlikely man in the face of relaxation and awesomeness," I told him. "I am Joshua Pharaoh. Sumter, and I... Wait, you didn't happen to be during the whole musical number a while back, did you?"

"Why did I have the pleasure?" Sebastian groaned.

Sebastian explained to me that he came from a place called Atlantica, where he was in the middle of a concert, when he was brought here by some weird magic. Now he needed help to get back home.

But I laughed so hard at that part, but I guess I do believe him as I said, "To recap: You came from some magical place, outside. An ocean-like place, where you don't have to worry about my kind."

"You're a human?! You wouldn't happen to be a barbaric fish-eater, would you?"

"WHAT?! NO, of course not! I don't EAT fish! Look, I don't where you got that idea from, but I think you should crawl back to the ocean and find your way back. To do that, you best look beyond what you see."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sebastian asked.

"It means look _beyond_ what you see," I repeated on what I really meant.

So, following my advice, Sebastian crawled back to the ocean, muttering, "What is with that strange human?"

And with that, I resumed to my relaxation. But it didn't last long, because suddenly, a thunderstorm appeared.

"Hurricane incoming," One of the beachgoers yelled as everyone were about to get their things and headed safely to their homes, hotel rooms, and such to safety.

I was about to do the same thing as I groaned, "Aaah, this is crazy! A storm in the middle of my perfect day! Come on, there wasn't a cloud in the sky a minute ago."

But then, something hit me when I looked back at the ocean and the storm. I just thought of something: There's no way Sebastian would survive that.

"Sebastian," I screamed into the sea for him, "Get over here!"

As I spoke the crab's name, a bolt of lightning struck. As it did, a gust of wind looked powerful. I closed my eyes and felt the storm's force wash over me.

I felt like something hit me in the head, and stars swirled around me and I seemed to be floating.

Then, everything around me became dark and silent.

* * *

I thought I had the strangest idea and feeling to call out for Sebastian, but I never would've or could've guessed who else was gonna answer...

When I opened my eyes, feeling dizzy for a moment, I looked around to see that I was all alone, all by myself. Not a single person in sight.

At first, I smiled because this was my chance to have the perfect me-time, i.e. alone time, I deserved, but then I somehow felt a strange presence in the beach.

I heard footsteps, strange ones that sounded like...tentacles crawling up on the sand. Something was coming of the ocean and into the sand right toward me.

"Who's there?" I called out, "Sebastian?"

"No," an evil female voice said, "It's not that little crustacean."

"Who...who are you?" I asked. I soon got the chills of fear, for it was someone I never, _ever_ expected to see...

"You are in the presence of the great Ursula, my child."

There was some fog around the entire beach area and suddenly, I could see an enormous sea witch standing right before me.

It was _really_ Ursula the sea witch!

I had no idea how Ursula had gotten into the real world (That's _our_ universe, to be precise), but there she was!

Anyway, Ursula picked up a seashell from the sand, "These shells are a little bit expensive, boy!"

Then, she threw it on the sand and stared menacingly at me as she continued, "But that's not why I have come for you."

"You came here for me?" I gulped, but my spoiled yet concerned expression face says otherwise. "What for?"

"Oh, dear," Ursula said sarcastically. "Now I've gone and spoiled the surprise. Always doing that. But you see, me and my boys, on the hand, have been working very hard to make absolutely sure that we give Triton and his flimsy fish folk something else to celebrate soon enough. And you... You, with some regard, though, for the feelings of others, have the nerve to call that crab here by name, and for what? So, you can spoil my plan with your little charisma? But... you would be the major tool for their undoing. And besides, I positively loathe your little perfect world."

"You're not gonna get me," I said to Ursula as I ran away from her, but she chased me around, laughing.

That's when Ursula had hit the storm. If I wanted to put an end to some kind of nonsense she was talking about, Ursula was gonna have something to say about it.

"It's best that you sleep with the blue fishes," Ursula said as she waved her hands and arms and recited a spell.

A whirlpool emerged and rose higher and higher, engulfing me.

Lights flashed as I was stuck right in the middle of some kind of cyclone.

Then, I was engulfed by a trail of magic smoke. Lights flashed once again, and thunderous booms crashed. My body thrashed about as I struggled against its force, but it was too powerful.

Finally, as Ursula laughed, I screamed as the rest of my entire body seemed to have disappeared.

All that was left of me were my summer clothes.

I was about to have the craziest adventure I'd ever dreamed of...

* * *

I opened my eyes as I felt a little dizzy. I then looked around at what looked like a ship graveyard. Dozens of sunken ships on the sea floor. Ship parts stuck out of the sand.

 _Am I in the ocean?_ I thought as I looked up at the surface, _The Big Blue?! But why am I here? How did I...? Am I dreaming?_

I had so many questions on my head about what happened after that certain magic mumbo jumbo back at Myrtle Beach by that sea witch.

At first, I thought about trying to find a way to get back home, to my vacation, where everyone should be safe from that weird storm.

But then, the unthinkable happened, ...

"Shark! SHARK!" A voice screamed frantically, interrupting my thoughts. "We're gonna die!"

 _That_ waswhere Ariel and Flounder came in as they swam passed through me to get away from a massive shark. When I turned around, there it was!

"AAAAHHH!" I screamed as I tried to escape from it, but the shark just won't bug off. Then, I saw an anchor and thought of something. I lured the shark to come after me as I called out to it, "Hey, SHARK BOY! Get over here!"

Because luckily for me, the shark was so focused to catch me that he didn't noticed the anchor up ahead. I fit through it easily and when the shark tried to follow me, his thick neck got stuck in the iron ring.

I did a dance of triumph in front of that shark's face as I cried, elated, "Whoo, yeah! Look at me and my bad self! I trapped you right in that anchor! Ooh, I'm an angry, hungry shark and I'm hungry for dinner. Well, not today, boy! YEAH!"

But the shark snapped at me and I recoiled in horror. Then, I swam frantically, right into the open sea.

When I catch my breath, Ariel and Flounder saw all of this and swam over to see me. They must be amazed at how I saved their beloved lives.

I hid under the rock with caution, nervously, so I couldn't be seen. But when I peeked out for a moment, Ariel was waiting there with a big, cute silly grin.

"Hey, thank you," Ariel thanked me.

"Don't mention it," I replied. "You two were so close to uncertain death. But, heck, at least that anchor biz was some quick thinking on my part. I'm Joshua Pharaoh. Sumter. And you are...?"

"I'm Ariel," The red-haired mermaid introduced herself.

"And I'm Flounder," The yellow and blue fish did the same and then asked nervously, "Is he gone?"

"Yeah, he's stuck," I told Flounder, "But not for long, really. I would've whooped that shark good with my kick-butt moves and my kick-butt attitude."

Then, I looked at Ariel's bag and asked her, "So, uh, what are you carrying that bag for?"

"Treasures," Ariel explained. "I've always been so interested about the world above. So, Flounder and I find wonderful treasures - the things that people lost."

"Well, then. Let me take care of it for 'ya," I volunteered.

But when I reached out to Ariel's bag, I saw that my hands had become...fins!

"Jeepers! I have fins!" I screamed. "And I'm all bluey!"

"Well," Flounder said, "We fishes always have fins!"

"But...but...I'm a human!" I cried. Then, I looked at my reflection with another object - a mirror.

Suddenly, Dory's scream rose out of my throat.

"Did that literally come out of me?" I asked, but I gasped and shrieked in realization, "I'm...I'm a fish! Ursula turned me into a fish! My face! My good ol' face! I'm a blueish, Dory-like fish!"

Then, I touched Ariel's cutie-patootie cheeks as I cried, "Help me! Do something, kid! I can't be a fish, I'm a human! Ariel, what'll I do?!"

"Okay, okay, woah," Ariel said to me, calmly. "Take it easy!"

I looked down and screamed some more, because I'm not wearing my clothes! (Oh, right, I forgot. Fish don't wear clothes.)

So, that's why I'm in the ocean. I've been turned into a blue-tang fish, just like Dory from _Finding Nemo_!

As I was still reeling from the utmost shock of being turned into a blue-tang, Dory-like fish, Ariel and Flounder were up on the surface, talking to a quirky seagull named Scuttle.

Scuttle is the so-called "expert" on all things human - or so they thought. So, even though he lacks knowledge, he's clueless.

"Look what we found," Ariel cried, holding out her sack.

"We were in a sunken ship, and it was really creepy," Flounder added.

"Human stuff, huh?" Scuttle said as he pulled out some stuff out of the sack.

I later joined in when I decided to do a spit take on Scuttle, because I'M the one who knows a lot about the surface world.

And guess what? I already did that!

"It's okay, Scuttle," said Flounder, calling to him. "This is Joshua. He's a cool fish."

"I'm a human," I cried. "And I spit take on your bird friend, because he's crazy."

"Me, crazy?" Scuttle asked me, confused.

"You bet your white feathers, you are," I said.

Scuttle pulled out a fork, "It's a dinglehopper. Humans used these little babies to straighten their hair out." Then, he demonstrated by combing his feathers.

"Uh, boy," I replied to Scuttle. "That's a fork. We humans use them to eat food."

I took the fork from Scuttle to demonstrated it by pretending I'm eating food with it, but then Scuttle took out another object, a tobacco pipe.

"This is a banded, bulbous snarfblatt. They invented this to make fine music," Scuttle said as he took a deep breath and blew into the pipe.

"No, Scuttle, that's a tobacco pipe," I explained. "It dates back to some other time when we humans used to discover and do some bad things. Completely bad mojo like, uh...alcohol and drugs, which are very bad. So, they invented this tobacco pipe to smoke, which you will never, _ever_ do at home."

But then I laughed so hard when seaweed and water gushed out the top of the pipe.

"It's stuck," Scuttle said with a groan.

"Of course, it's stuck, 'cause that's NOT how it works!" I cried, still laughing.

But the word 'music' made Ariel remember something, "The concert! Oh my gosh, my father's gonna kill me!"

"The concert was today?!" Flounder was shocked, too.

As they dive beneath the surface and waved goodbye to Scuttle, Ariel and Flounder also dragged me along the way to their home, Atlantica, and the castle of King Triton, ruler of the Big Blue and Ariel's dad.

I cannot believe it when I saw that it was all real.

* * *

Moments later, I find myself in Triton's throne room with Ariel and Flounder, whose heads bowed, while her father scolded her for missing the concert.

"I just don't know what I'm about to do with you, young lady," Triton bellowed.

"Daddy, I'm sorry. I just forgot-," Ariel said.

But I kinda intervened when I replied, "Your Highness, I can assure you that she just forgot, that's all."

"Yeah, it wasn't her fault," Flounder agreed. Then, he introduced me to Triton and tried to explain where they'd been and how I saved them from that shark fiasco.

But when he blurted out about our visit to Scuttle, Triton was furious.

Flounder quickly hid behind me as Triton said, "You went up to the surface again, didn't you?"

"Nothing happened," Ariel answered. I nodded in agreement.

"Ariel, how many times must we go through all of this? You could've been seen by one of those barbarians, by one of those...humans!"

 _Wait a minute! I'm a human_ , I thought. _And he thinks we're dangerous and barbarians. So, that means...HEY!_

"Daddy, they're not barbarians!" Ariel protested.

I was even more insulted when Triton brought up that we're fish-eaters. I DON'T EAT FISH, for gosh sake.

Ariel here would totally disagree, but she knew she couldn't change her dad's mind, so she also reminds him she's 16, which for some reason made him even angrier.

"As long as you live under _my_ ocean, you'll obey my rules," The king thundered. "And I am never, _never_ to hear of you going to the surface again. Is that clear?"

Almost in tears, Ariel turned and swam out, with Flounder close behind. I, too, had no choice but to go out for a while as I swam away.

Not after I tried to tell Triton about Sebastian being gone, thinking that he's missing or on vacation.

"You must be here for a reason, Joshua," Triton said as a thought came to him. "Sebastian just needed some time off. He must've asked somebody else to take his responsibility to keep Ariel out of trouble. And you happen to be just the fish to do it."

My eyes were widened. I never thought about that idea before, but I wonder how Ariel's doing.

* * *

So, later on, I then went to check on the kid. As I did, I visited an enormous grotto.

When I looked around the grotto, my eyes were widened even more, and my jaws dropped as I see that the walls were filled with all of our human stuff - vases, books, plates, clocks, candlesticks, even a harp.

I never seen such stuff being here before, but I knew for a fact that Ariel was right - they _were_ from the surface.

So, if Ariel didn't know what they were, she was sure she'd find out one day. Then, everything in her collection would make a lot of perfect sense to her, like the fork and the tobacco pipe.

I listened to Ariel telling Flounder how much she wanted to be part of the human world.

Suddenly, Ariel and Flounder heard a loud crash, where they found me being amazed as I surveyed the scene, "Wowee, wow, wow, wow, wow! So that's where all our stuff went, and you happen to put them all here as your collection. How adorable."

"You're not going to tell him, are you?" A nervous Flounder interrupted me, referring to Triton.

"You two think I don't know that?!" I cried.

"Oh, please, Joshua," Ariel begged as she clasped her hands together. "He would never understand."

"Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me," I replied. "I mean, this is all true. You're really fascinated with the surface world."

"You're right, Josh," Ariel said, softly, "That's why I collect so many things and wonders."

"Well, I'll tell you what the surface world is like," I declared. "I know that because I lived on the surface as a human."

"A human?" Flounder asked, shocked.

"Yes. I was a human before that sea witch turned into me into a fish," I explained angrily.

"So, that's why you called the dinglehopper a 'fork' and the snarfblatt a 'smoke pipe'," Ariel said, amazed, then asked. "But you're _really_ from the surface world?"

"You got that right," I sighed. "I guess you and I are on the same boat..."

"If only you and I can make Daddy understand," Ariel replied, sitting gloomily next to me, "We both just don't see things the way he does. I don't see how a world that made all such wonderful things could be bad?"

I scoffed, "Tell me about it."

Just then, a shadow passed over us.

"What do you suppose...?" Ariel asked, then curiously swam away.

When Ariel, Flounder, and I reached the surface, we saw a huge ship anchored nearby and awesome fireworks.

Peeking through an opening in the side of the ship, Ariel and I can see a crew singing and dancing.

"And your dad called my kind barbarians. HAH!" I scoffed, quietly.

"They don't look that way to me," Ariel replied, but then one man in particular caught her attention.

That guy Ariel looked at seemed different from the rest. With dark, black hair and dimpled cheeks, Ariel believed that he's beautiful.

That guy...was Prince Eric.

Then, suddenly, Scuttle joined us as he called loudly, "Quite a show, eh?"

"Scuttle, zip it! They'll hear you!" I said, angrily, grabbing Scuttle's beak.

"I've never seen a human this close before. He's _very_ handsome, isn't it?" Ariel said, looking at Eric with her eyes full of hearts.

"Yep," I agreed, then I looked at his dog, Max. "And his dog is hairy and slobbery, too."

Ariel could tell that Eric was good, kind, and as far as being handsome.

When he strolled near us with his buddy and guardian, Grimsby, we nearly hid. But we stayed where we were, so we could listen to their conversation.

"Oh, Eric," Grimsby said. "The entire kingdom wants to see you happily settled down with the right girl."

"She's out there somewhere," Eric replied. "When I do find her, it'll just hit me like lightning."

 _That's right,_ I thought. _Ariel here is still waiting for 'ya, just a few feet away._

Then, a thunderclap interrupted my thoughts. We all noticed dark clouds gathering over the ship. Thunders roaring, and lightning crackled. It did somehow remind me of that storm back at Myrtle Beach.

Everyone on that ship struggled, but it was too late as the waves got a lot higher, tossing the ship. I didn't want to see people get hurt during the storm. But then, Eric went to save his dog.

"I knew that Eric was good, kind, and has wonderful legs," Ariel said to me, watching and sighing with hearts full of love floating around her, "But now I know that he's brave, loyal, and a good swimmer, too."

"Okay, okay, I gig the message," I replied.

But then, before Eric got out, an epic explosion blew up the whole ship to smithereens, and the unconscious Eric landed on water.

But luckily, Ariel did the rescuing part as she grasped Eric in her arms. Struggling through the fierce current, she pulled him to safety.

In time, Scuttle and I joined her.

"Is he...dead?" Ariel asked.

"No, no, no, he's just unconscious," I reassured her. "But he'll be okay, just to be on the safe side."

But then, I turned to see Scuttle lifting the prince's foot and putting it to his ear, "I can't make out a heartbeat."

"Uh, Scuttle. That's his foot," I groaned at the seagull.

"No, look, he's breathing!" Ariel cried, happily. She smiled with relief and sang in a good ol' voice about her hopes to be part of his world.

Then, sounds of Max and Grimsby approaching made us dive quickly to the sea. As Grimsby hoisted Eric to his feet, the prince only caught a glimpse of Ariel's face, but at least he'll remember her voice forever.

That made Ariel as happy as...well, just happy. And she stayed that way, too.

And I had a feeling that Ariel's love for Prince Eric is gonna get _really_ good.

* * *

Back at the ocean, Ariel swam around in a daze, humming softly and pulling sea flowers.

"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me also...," Ariel said, dreamingly.

"Oh, yeah. So far, so good," I yawned, stretching. "But it ain't easy keeping a secret like this for so long."

"He loves me! I knew it!" Ariel exclaimed as she pulled the last petal.

"Ariel! Wake up and smell the alfalfa," I said to her, laughing.

I got to admit, if Ariel is really in love with Eric, I just couldn't believe it. Everyone knows that inter-species dating is a BIG no-no. I wonder what happens when vampires and humans got together - A dhampir?

But that headstrong kid Ariel was, like, MADLY in love as you obviously remember. That day after the shipwreck, all she did was talking to me about trying to catch Eric's attention. From the looks and sounds of it, she'd do anything to get to him.

"You know, kid," I began, "You had me thinking. The merworld may be your home and my human world is...a mess! But life on land and out of the sea is better as anything you all got down here!"

Ariel had paid any attention to my ranting about the benefits of living on land, "Everything on land is fun and all, but it's also safe and happy. We humans liked to have fun, work, rocking out, shopping, and partying. We also got air, trees, the animals, you named it."

Just then, Flounder showed up, wanted to show us something at the secret grotto.

As I was about to keep up, I said to myself, "How did I get dragged into all of this? Whoo, boy! Not only has Ariel been falling in love at the weirdest possible time, but with a human. That'd be rich!"

I laughed to myself and then swam up to join up with Ariel and Flounder. But I had the weird feeling...that I was being watched.

Later on, we were back at the grotto, where a surprise was in the form of Eric's statue, which Flounder had retrieved after the storm.

"Flounder, you're the best!" Ariel exclaimed. "It looks just like him! It even has his eyes!"

Then, Ariel pretend it was real, "Why, Eric. Run away with you? This is all so sudden!"

Ariel giggled and whirled with joy as I said to her, "So, how does it work, exactly? I mean, do you hope you get to - Oh, I don't know - hold onto him on odd days or even?"

"Cut it out, Josh," Ariel cried, smiling at that joke.

"Hey, I'm glad you chose me to help you specifically because I have skills and knowledge that are essential to the surface world!"

Then, I showed Ariel and Flounder my karate moves as I yelled, " **WHASSAH! WHATTA! AYIE! AYIE!** "

That made Ariel and Flounder laughed so hard as I continued, "...And that, Ariel, is what makes you and Eric equal parts of one lean, mean love-making-"

But before anything else, Triton suddenly appeared and swam out from the shadows with his face tight with rage.

"-machine?" I finished when I turned around to see the king and screamed. He must've overheard everything I said.

"Daddy?" Ariel cried.

"I consider myself a reasonable merman," Triton began. "I set certain rules, and I expect those rules to be obeyed. Is it true you rescued a human from drowning?"

"Daddy, I had to-!" Ariel protested.

"Contact between the human world and the merworld is strictly forbidden! Ariel, you know that! Everyone knows that!" Triton shouted.

Soon, I stepped in as I replied to him, "He would've been dead. And besides, you don't even know the guy!"

"Know him? I don't have to know him!" Triton said to me, getting angrier at this. "They're all the same... Spineless, savage, harpooning fish-eaters, incapable of any feelings!"

But then, Ariel wouldn't give in as she shouted, "Daddy! I love him!"

Triton was stunned. "No! Have you lost your senses completely? He's a human, you're a mermaid!"

"I don't care," Ariel said, hiding behind.

Then, I accidentally blurted out that I'm really a human before I was turned into a fish and then added, "Okay, okay, so you've always told Ariel not to trust humans. But we ain't ALL as bad as you said. And I'm...well, I'm going to prove it to you!"

"So, help me, I am going to get through to you. And if this is the only way, so be it!" Triton shouted, raising his trident.

Then, he destroyed all of Ariel's treasures, including Eric's statue.

As for me? Well, while trying to defend our human stuff, I was accidentally shot out of the ocean by Triton's trident and landed to shore, where I rested for a while.

I looked back at the ocean as I then decided to give Ariel some time alone. I mean, all of our human stuff, blown to smithereens.

 _What am I gonna do now?_ I thought as I looked up at the sky as I laid myself down.

What kind of mess did I got myself into?


	2. ACT 2

I had no idea how Ariel landed on the beach, but when I woke up the next day by her, there she was. And she had legs!

Then, I see Flounder all okay, as the two were exhausted from their swim, on a pile of rocks.

I was stunned that Ariel finally got legs...and that she's finally human and not talking. Wait a sec, why the heck ain't Ariel saying anything?

Flounder told me Ariel had traded her voice to Ursula to be turned into a human. I knew it was that same sea witch who turned me into a fish when I was angry about that.

Then, Scuttle joined us in, scratching his head as he tried to find out what's different about Ariel.

"She's got legs, 'ya bird-brain!" I cried out, but before I can explain more, I somehow got a call...from Sebastian!

I don't know how he managed to contact me, but I think his 'Ariel-senses' were tingling when he noticed all these events happening.

Anyway, Sebastian screamed in horror as he yelled at me, "I gave you one simple thing to do, and you had to let all of this happen?!"

"Oh, please. While you were missing in action, I had to respect Ariel's wishes and taught her about life on land," I argued back.

"Ariel's been turned into a human," Flounder began. "She's got to make the prince fall in love with her and he's got to kiss her."

"And she's got 3 days to do it? That's fine," I added, then I reassured Flounder, Sebastian, and Scuttle. "But will you all quit your worrying, guys?! It's not the end of the world. Look at Ariel, she's happy. Now I know you're all think this is bad, but come on now, this isn't the end. This is a whole new beginning for her as a human. This is like the best thing that's ever happened to her!"

"But...just look at her!" yelled Sebastian. "On legs! On _human_ legs!"

"Hey! Those are my kind's legs you're talking about," I said.

But Sebastian was still worried and angry about what Ariel and I had done. At first, he'd began to rant about what Triton would do if he knows and wanted to rush off home and tell him right away. Then, he'd muttered about finding Ursula and reversing the spell.

But I halted the crab as I said, "Absolutely not! I will not let you ruin Ariel's chances of an epic lust romance with a prince named Eric because of you being overreacting. So, what if Triton will be devastated if he finds out she's missing? Far as I'm concerned, that's not an option. As long as Ariel got what she wanted, we're going to be doing things _my_ way from now on!"

Then, I ended the call as I muttered about what Sebastian was thinking, "Telling the king. Of all the ill-conceived, I-"

But Ariel scooped me up and held me in her hands. She gave me a convincing look and a smile as I sighed, "Now, don't look at me like that so crossly. I know what you're saying; that you need someone with my eye for detail to keep you on the straight and narrow."

With a sigh, I finished my sentence. "Say no more. I'll do it!"

Ariel gave me a kiss on a cheek. As she lowered me down, I blushed. "Oh, stop, kid. You know how I gig about overly emotional displays."

"Now, Ariel, if you want to be human," Scuttle said, picking up some sails and rope as an old cloth, "The first thing you got to do is dress like one."

"You better hurry up with that, 'cause I don't think torn sails and some rope make a good clothing," I replied, "So, anyway, this 'Kiss of True Love' thing includes the following: Lips in extended contact; Eyes closed with eyelids fluttering at a minimum speed of 45 kilometers per hour; Body temperature, at least 98, but not exceeding 101 degrees Fahrenheit; and heart rate accelerated 18 to 35 beats above normal. Anyone got that?"

"Uh, yeah," Flounder and Scuttle said in unison, and Ariel nodded. I had the three completely confused.

"This is going to be a long three-day mission," I sighed.

* * *

So, even though Ariel finally has legs, she can't speak or sing, and there was a slight chance she'll end up in Ursula's clutches forever!

I was happy for the kid, but a little bit concern.

Scuttle whistled and giggled, "You look sensational!"

Just then, Eric's dog, Max, bounded across the beach, and Eric chased after him. A moment later, he was standing right next to Ariel.

Ariel tried to make Eric understand that she's the one who'd saved his life, but it was hopeless. It was so obvious that she never, _ever_ played charades.

If I gave Ariel some pencil and paper to write down what she was trying to say, that'd be easy. Or if I'd be Ariel's back-up voice to say her words, it'd be weird. But Ariel never playing charades? I don't know!

Still, Eric felt sorry. At least he invited Ariel to the palace, and off she went, struggling to keep up with him.

I'm glad to say that she looked a whole lot better once she had washed her hair and changed out of that sail outfit. It was an improvement that Eric noticed, too. "You look wonderful," he said. Ariel blushed.

Grimsby suggest that Eric take Ariel on a tour of the kingdom the following day.

Ariel nodded.

That night, Ariel and I settled down in her lavish new room. I was in a fishbowl full of water on her dresser next to the lighted candle.

"This has to be, without a doubt, the single and craziest day of my own life," I said, feeling relaxed as Ariel settled into bed. "I hope you'll appreciate what I had in mind for tomorrow. Anyway, I may have a plan to get Eric to kiss you."

Ariel nodded in agreement as I continued, "Or better yet, get _you_ to kiss him. In the meantime, tomorrow, when Eric takes you for that ride, look your best."

Ariel leaned closer to me with excitement and anticipation as I tell her, "Because I have a little strategy and suggestion that I want you to follow..."

After I whispered to her about my plan for the second day, Ariel fell asleep, dreaming of her handsome prince.

I, too, felt comfortable and fell asleep after I blew out the candle.

* * *

The next day, Eric and Ariel took a romantic ride in a horse-drawn carriage, and he showed her around.

Suddenly, Eric was so interested in Ariel, and not out of pity, either.

Like I said before, they became quite the love-making machine – they were dining, strolling through town, and touring the kingdom together.

Then, on the evening of the second day, Eric invite Ariel to a boat ride. She accepted eagerly.

As Flounder, Scuttle, and I watch them rowing on the moonlit lake, I was losing my patience because Ariel was supposed to get her kiss.

"We only got one day left," I said to Flounder. "And neither of them ain't puckering up!"

Scuttle tried to do a little 'romantic stimulation' by singing, but he sang so terribly awful!

I dragged Scuttle out of the scene as I said angrily to him and Flounder, "Alright, that's it! This is wasting time! Ariel's time as a human ends tomorrow, and we're not letting this happen and I'm not missing it! So, let's all think for a moment!"

After all, I couldn't help wondering if tonight is the night of the kiss. I just hoped that it was.

I mean, Ariel did love Eric, after all. Why shouldn't they be together?

I was starting to lose it, until I thought, 'What would Sebastian do?'

He would do a serenade, a love song. So, I did that to set the mood, and it _did_ work as the other lagoon animals helped me and Flounder out.

I had to sing some selected love song, like ' _Can You Feel the Love Tonight?_ '

As my song goes on, Eric rowed to a secluded spot. Ariel smiled at him, and he smiled back, leaning toward her. He was gonna make a move!

But then, I decided to give Ariel the signal for her to make a move and kiss him, long and slow.

 _That_ was the little strategy and suggestion I told Ariel about that night.

 _I whispered to Ariel, "At the boat ride, when the moment is right, when I give you the signal, grab Eric by the vest, and give him a big kiss on the lips. Easy, peasy."_

It was a success! But then, without warning, as the two finally kissed, the boat overturned, dumping them both into the water.

It was Flotsam and Jetsam, Ursula's two eels, who capsized the boat. They knew Ursula didn't want me and Ariel to win. If we did, all her plans of revenge will be ruined!

Wait a second, was I not supposed to change that event/scenario?

Back at the castle, Ariel just finished drying herself up. I reassured her that the kiss was an almost success.

"Just get some shut eye," I said soothingly and yawned, "It'll all work out tomorrow."

But as I fell asleep, I had a weird feeling that I think tomorrow...will not be easy.

* * *

The next morning, Scuttle flew into the room as he called, "Ariel! Wake up, wake up! I just heard the news! Congratulations, kiddo, we did it!"

I yawned and stretched, then asked crabbily, "What on Earth are you yammering about?"

"Right, as if you two didn't know, huh? The whole town's buzzing about the prince getting himself hitched this afternoon! You know, he's getting married!"

Ariel's heart was full of joy, thinking that she's the one Eric will marry.

Unfortunately, I had a feeling that I wasn't convinced. After all, Eric didn't even bother to go to Ariel and ask her to marry him last night. He didn't even bring an engagement ring.

I tried to settle Ariel down as she went down the hall, but it was too late.

Then, moments later, Ariel's heart ached, because Eric wasn't marrying her. He was marrying someone named Vanessa.

The whole day passed, and too soon, the wedding ship sailed. Everyone went aboard, laughing and singing.

But we weren't invited, because Ariel lost her true crush and now, she would never escape Ursula's clutches.

I looked down as things went sour, but Ariel looked down at me as a friend. I thought that the kiss on the second day would get things done, but was it really enough? How did all of this happen so fast?

I mean, there was no way this whole marriage thing could've been coincidental. Sebastian should've at least heard about this. He should be here right now, but he ain't. Now I was worried about that crab being missing...or worse!

But then, seconds later, Scuttle came back as he tried to explain, "I was flying, and... of course, I was flying. And I saw the... The watch...I mean, the witch was watching the mirror, and she was singing with a stolen set of pipes. Do you hear what I'm telling you? The prince is marrying the sea witch in disguise!"

Ariel gasped. It all made sense now!

"URSULA!" I exclaimed, "You mean that no-good sea witch is on that wedding ship right now?"

"Have I ever been wrong?" Scuttle asked. "I mean, when it's important!"

Then, I pondered on how all things went all full circle.

But then, suddenly, it all hit me. It was so obvious that Ursula had a master plan to destroy Triton and take his place on the throne, and it all hinged on Ariel. If Ursula succeeded in enslaving the kid, Triton would do anything - even his OWN kingdom - to get her back.

And as a bonus, Ursula took the trouble to get rid of Sebastian during the storm back at my world, so that she brought me here to their world as a stand-in while Sebastian will be gone for good.

After what was to be a success on the second day, thanks to my brilliant strategy plan, Ursula had made sure Eric would try again to kiss Ariel. So, later that night while we slept, she used her magic to turn herself into an alluring young woman with Ariel's stolen voice to called herself Vanessa.

"What are we gonna do?" Flounder cried.

"Uh, 'We'? Look," I called out. "I got a score to settle with that rhinestone sea witch and I got nothing to lose. And besides, as crazy as this sounds, Scuttle is actually making sense."

"Thank you," Scuttle thanked me.

I turned to Ariel and said to her, "Listen, kid. You want your voice and prince back, and I want to get even with Ursula. When I was dropped in these waters, I didn't know a thing or two about surviving in the ocean or life under the sea. And you and your friends have been around me and my butt since I got here! After all, the rest of us go together and we're sure to get her, and I can now even the odds! If Ursula thinks that she can just try to mess with us, we must strike now! Thanks to her, I'm stuck as a fish and you lost your voice, but now we need to show that sea witch how I... I mean, _we_ do things around here. Time to put an end to their wedding, kick her butt, and get our stuff back!"

Ariel nodded, as did Flounder and Scuttle.

It was now time for action as we had to stop the wedding! Inspired by my epic determination speech, Ariel clung onto a barrel while Flounder towed her to the ship. I called Sebastian to come home and get Triton, while and Scuttle and I assembled all the animals and led them to the ship.

And that's exactly when the wedding began. But it didn't finish, because we all showed up and stopped it.

Actually, we turned it into a free-for-all, complete with a wedding cake food fight. In our struggle, the shell necklace fell and break, releasing Ariel's voice and rose to her throat.

In short: Ariel got her voice back!

"Eric!" Ariel said at last.

"You can talk," Eric said to her. "You're the one!"

"Eric, get away from her!" shouted Vanessa in Ursula's voice.

"Ursula, you shut up and you shut up now!" I demanded. Then, I turned to Eric and said to him, "Eric, you've got to kiss Ariel and you've got to kiss her now! The sun could be shutting down in any second!"

Vanessa watched, seething. It looked as if Ursula's plan is dead foiled.

But - NO! Before their lips could touch, the sun went down, and Ariel was back into a mermaid, and Vanessa turned back into Ursula.

"You're too late!" Ursula shouted as she dragged both Ariel and me into the sea.

The sea witch was right! I forgot that it was the third day, the last day, when the magic stopped working.

"Stop it!" I shouted. "Let us go!"

"Sorry. No can't do," Ursula gloated to me. "But thank _you_ by the way, Joshua. I couldn't have done it without you. You were the perfect pawn."

"What?!" I was stunned. "You said no one would get hurt! You gave your word!"

"And I am a witch of my word," Ursula replied. "As promised, I wouldn't harm a single hair on Triton's little daughter's head. And...," She plucked one tiny bit of Ariel's hair as she continued, "...THIS is the one I won't harm!"

Ursula then threw it to me as she said, laughing, "You keep it. The rest of her is mine!"

"I didn't do it, Ariel!" I pleaded her as I lowered my head. "I never agree to all of this!"

"It's okay," Ariel said to me, sadly. "You did your best."

"And besides, it's not you and your new friend here I'm after," Ursula said to Ariel and me, "I have a much bigger fish to fry!"

Suddenly, Triton appeared, brandishing the trident, along with Sebastian. "Let them go!"

"Not a chance, Triton! She's mine now," Ursula replied, showing him Ariel's contract. "We made a deal. Unless, of course, you were offering to take her place."

"I'm afraid I had no choice," Triton said, feeling defeated. He replaced Ariel's name on the contract...with his own.

I watched, stunned, as Triton began to shrivel away. Now I get it. Ursula was taking _him_ instead of Ariel.

"AT LAST! IT'S MIIINNNNNEEEEEE!" Ursula laughed as she snatched up the King's trident and crown. "Who's the mighty ruler of the seas now?!"

Ariel looked at her dad, who got turned into a polyp, then looked at me when I felt that my blood began to boil...with rage.

"You!" I snarled. "I will end you!"

"Don't toy with me, you human brat!" Ursula shouted, pointing the trident at me.

Just then, Eric appeared and tried to stop her and save Ariel, but Flotsam and Jetsam captured him.

Then, Sebastian and Flounder stopped the two eels by pinching and whacking their heads and faces by tails.

"Say goodbye to your sweetheart," Ursula told Ariel, but she desperately grabbed Ursula's hair and pulled it, causing the ray to hit her two eels.

"Babies!" cried Ursula at the loss her two minions. "My poor, little poopsies!"

I laughed triumphantly as I told her, " _THAT'S_ for turning me into a fish...which I'm beginning to like by the way."

But that's when Ursula went berserk, howling and raging, getting louder and bigger. She transformed into a giant monster, like a thousand times her size!

"Now I am the ruler of all the ocean!" Ursula declared. Waving the trident like a musical conductor, she called upon an epic storm.

Thunder boomed. Lightning crackled. Towering waves almost pulled Ariel and Eric away from each other, and they disappeared.

I didn't see the two lovebirds, but Ursula sure did see me. As I clung onto a rock at the bottom of the whirlpool, Ursula looked down at me and - CRACK! - sent a ray toward me, shattering the rock. But I let go and landed on the sea floor, in the dead center of the whirlpool.

 _So, this is how I die_ , I thought in fear as I believed that this was gonna be the end of me.

But I'm glad it wasn't, because Ursula didn't see the ship, with Eric and Ariel at the wheel, but the ship's mast jabbed her - right into her own belly!

"RRRRRRRRAAAWWWWWRRGHHH!" Ursula screamed as lightning bolts tore through the sky. Next thing I knew, she was gone.

Moments later, Ursula's curse over the merfolk ended. King Triton and all the souls she held prisoner were free at last.

* * *

Well, our story ended off onto a good start, because it marked the beginning of a new era. Good ol' Sebastian was back, the storm had stopped, the merpeople got their freedom, and Ursula was gone for good.

As the sun got up, everything seemed to be turning out just fine, except for...some things, like Ariel was still a mermaid and Eric's still a human.

But Triton thought otherwise. With Ursula out of the picture, his power was restored, and he _finally_ dropped his grudge against humans. So, with one wave of his trident, he turned Ariel back into a human. Then, Ariel splashed ashore to join Eric.

Ariel ran to Eric, who swept her up in an embrace. They were free, belonged to each other, and FINALLY shared a long, long kiss. (Now that's how the Kiss of True Love follows.)

Ariel's friends and family, as well as the rest of Eric's kingdom, cheered as their wedding took place that same day.

Then came a rainbow that appeared in the sky. It expressed Triton's hope that the two would have a colorful future. And they did as he also passed on this whole story to his people: The story of a human who'd became a big help to Ariel and her friends...while being turned into a fish (That happened to be about me).

Speaking of yours truly, even though Ursula got blown to smithereens, I'm still stuck as a fish. But Triton's magic engulfed me, too.

As thanks for all the help that I've done and some apologies in order, Triton turned me back into a human and I said my goodbyes to Ariel and those who aligned with her.

When I woke up, I was finally back at Myrtle Beach, back to my vacation.

They got to admit and agreed that Ariel's dream did came true and the Big Blue was saved, all thanks to me and my crazy, brash, and yet awesomeness ways. I bet they're wondering what happened to me, though. After what had just happened to me, I'm glad to see the ocean being calm and not a storm in sight.

I suddenly felt very happy. Then, I can see Ariel and Eric's wedding through a magical portal and accidentally joined in. Maybe I might get used to the Big Blue...almost.

Anyway, there's no doubt about it. It was an epic, awesome happy ending for all!

 **THE END!**


End file.
